Saidsgirl

Originally posted by krissyv


    > He emailed me photos this morning of all the girls he's slept with in
    > the last month. They are all gorgeous so its not doing much for my ego
    > right now...

    > Krissy



Krissy...



What a FREAK!!!



Like Leslie said, he's probably lying. At least partially...



And definitely, thank GOD you didn't marry him! Consider yourself the
very lucky one....



~k

Krissyv

I know that he did these things because one of the girls happened to be
as friend of a friend of my older brother's girlfriend. They slept
together and the next morning he told her that he was engaged & that she
was just a screw. People started talking and then they made the
connection that it was my fiance.

When I first heard the rumour, I couldn't get hold of my fiance so in a
moment of madness I went into his hotmail account (I guessed the
password - I feel horrible for doing it but I was desperate) and found
emails from another girls saying why disn't you call me again after we
had sex. He replied & said that his ex-fiance was going to be in town,
that she had an idea that they were getting back together & he needed to
resolve anything before he could date anyone else - this was the day
after he got my itinerary confirming my trip for Xmas...

The I saw other emails confirming his registration at the sex & swingers
and new messages in his account...and then went to the site and checked
out what he'd advertised for. He said that he was married & so needed
women for discreet casual encounters....

Its like something out of a movie!!!!

Krissy

Janadeen

Hey Kris - so sorry you're going thru this - I can only echo what others
have said - it TOTALLY rocks that you found him out BEFORE you married
him. Count that as a blessing.



I disagree with most of the other posts though. In my opinion (just my
opinion everyone) an engagement ring is something that represents the
promise of a marriage - if you get married, you keep the ring. If you
don't get married, the ring goes back - no matter which part caused the
promise to fall apart. Why do you want to keep it anyway? I confess, I
might want to keep it too; to hurt him, out of spite, to piss him off -
oh yeah, I'd be tempted for sure - but overall, it's not worth it.



In general too, just give it back & let it go - it and all the negative
vibes & baggage it has brought up & represents - and move on.



Best of luck.



(oh, where is that rule that you mentioned, about keeping the ring -
I've never seen or heard that - just curious - I've actually always
heard the opposite)



Originally posted by krissyv

    > Hi,


    > I'm the benificiary of a K-1 petition and I have just found out that
    > my fiance has been cheating on me the last month or so with various
    > girls and also advertised for casual sex on a sex & swingers personal
    > internet site.

    > As such the engagement is off and I now need to know how to withdraw
    > the petition (he has refused)

    > Also as I refused to give the ring back, he has started threatening
    > me, to the point I am changing my cell phone today, and says he will
    > sue me, put a debt collection agency onto me for the cost & has
    > reported it to the police stolen and says that he knows a way to have
    > me barred from the US forever.

    > I am travelling to the US for Xmas as he convinced me to buy a ticket
    > to see him last week and its non refundable so I was planning to use
    > it to see me brother in SF.

    > He has said that if he tracks me down up there he will beat me up.

    > Aside from the physical threats I am concerned that he will cause
    > problems for me at the POE..

    > My question is - is it possible for him to do these things to me?

    > I am a lawyer in NZ and I know that the rule is that engagement rule
    > is agift and can be kept. As he effectively broke the engagement with
    > his cheating I believe I have the right to keep it under US law as
    > well but want to know how much trouble he can cause for me....

    > Thanks guys

Kris

Leslie66

Eeeewwww Yuuuucccchhhh. (Where's that puking smilie when I need it.)



You are so lucky for finding out before you made the mistake of a
lifetime.



Leslie

Sibsie

That's really awful Krissy. I know it's no consolation at the moment
but a similar sort of thing happened to me. It did take me a long while
to get over it, but I did. Then when I was least expecting it the most
wonderful man in the world came into my life.



I truly hope you get some resolution and find your way back to happiness
again. My very best wishes to you.

Rete

Kris



Add my condolences to the others. Like Jandeen I thought it was if the
woman broke off the engagement the ring was to be returned. If the man
broke it off, the woman kept the ring. That is what a small claims
court told my sister over 30 years ago when her fiancee knocked up a
girl when he was stationed in San Diego and married her and broke off
their engagement. Sis got to keep the ring.



You have had to suffer a terrible blow to your instincts to trust and
your skills of judgment and it will probably follow you for a long time
to come. Only you can see that it does not warp your future
relationships. I wish you godspeed in putting this sorry excuse for a
person behind you.



Now my concern is the fact that you are still planning on coming to the
US for the holiday season. You have a valid K-1 visa in your passport.
I don't know how that will be viewed at the POE when you enter. Don't
know if going to the US Consulate and having it cancelled will help
either as it is now on the system that you have had a serious
relationship with a USC with the intent to marry. Please discuss this
vacation with the US Consulate and see what they have to say. I know
that they can tell you it is fine but that the final judgment call is
made by the examiner at the US POE. So please make your decision with
that thought in mind.



Best wishes.



Rete





Originally posted by krissyv

    > I know that he did these things because one of the girls happened to
    > be as friend of a friend of my older brother's girlfriend. They slept
    > together and the next morning he told her that he was engaged & that
    > she was just a screw. People started talking and then they made the
    > connection that it was my fiance.

    > When I first heard the rumour, I couldn't get hold of my fiance so in
    > a moment of madness I went into his hotmail account (I guessed the
    > password - I feel horrible for doing it but I was desperate) and found
    > emails from another girls saying why disn't you call me again after we
    > had sex. He replied & said that his ex-fiance was going to be in town,
    > that she had an idea that they were getting back together & he needed
    > to resolve anything before he could date anyone else - this was the
    > day after he got my itinerary confirming my trip for Xmas...

    > The I saw other emails confirming his registration at the sex &
    > swingers and new messages in his account...and then went to the site
    > and checked out what he'd advertised for. He said that he was married
    > & so needed women for discreet casual encounters....

    > Its like something out of a movie!!!!

Krissy

Sibsie

Originally posted by janadeen

(oh, where is that rule that you mentioned, about keeping the ring -
I've never seen or heard that - just curious - I've actually always
heard the opposite) This was one of the bizarre things I had to
cover at police training school. Probably because we'd get called to so
many domestics.



In the UK the engagement is a contract and when a party breaks it off
they can technically be sued for breach of contract. Of course that
isn't done these days but I think there was a recent case in England.



The ring is given as a condition of the engagement and if there is a
dispute it would go to civil court. I can't recall any actual ruling
about permanent ownership. Of course it could well be different in NZ
and the US which is where Krissy and her ex hail from.

Saidsgirl

Originally posted by Leslie66

    > Eeeewwww Yuuuucccchhhh. (Where's that puking smilie when I need it.)


    > You are so lucky for finding out before you made the mistake of a
    > lifetime.


    > Leslie



Yeah Leslie....where *IS* that puking smilie?

I love that one!!

Saidsgirl

Originally posted by Rete


    > Now my concern is the fact that you are still planning on coming to
    > the US for the holiday season. You have a valid K-1 visa in your
    > passport. I don't know how that will be viewed at the POE when you
    > enter. Don't know if going to the US Consulate and having it
    > cancelled will help either as it is now on the system that you have
    > had a serious relationship with a USC with the intent to marry.
    > Please discuss this vacation with the US Consulate and see what they
    > have to say. I know that they can tell you it is fine but that the
    > final judgment call is made by the examiner at the US POE. So please
    > make your decision with that thought in mind.


    > Best wishes.


    > Rete



I don't think she HAS the K1 yet....do you Krissy? I thought it was
still in progress. Does that still effect travel plans? If so, that
really sucks for her.

Leslie66

I think the ring should be returned in most cases. However, in a case
where the woman was obviously misled by her fiance, I personally don't
believe she owes him anything. He knew he was a lying cheat when he
gave her the ring, he was just counting on not getting caught. He took
a gamble and lost, he has no right to be indignant. As far as what she
could use the ring for...... My first thought would be to sell it and
try to re-coup some of her own expenses (plane tickets, phone bills,
gifts she may have given him, etc.) This guy is obviously a predator
and deserves NOTHING but contempt. In fact I think she should sue him.



Leslie



P.S. Kristine, I'll post my timeline on this one so my puking smilie
can have it's say on the subject.



Originally posted by janadeen

    > Hey Kris - so sorry you're going thru this - I can only echo what
    > others have said - it TOTALLY rocks that you found him out BEFORE you
    > married him. Count that as a blessing.


    > I disagree with most of the other posts though. In my opinion (just
    > my opinion everyone) an engagement ring is something that represents
    > the promise of a marriage - if you get married, you keep the ring. If
    > you don't get married, the ring goes back - no matter which part
    > caused the promise to fall apart. Why do you want to keep it anyway?
    > I confess, I might want to keep it too; to hurt him, out of spite, to
    > piss him off - oh yeah, I'd be tempted for sure - but overall, it's
    > not worth it.


    > In general too, just give it back & let it go - it and all the
    > negative vibes & baggage it has brought up & represents - and move on.


    > Best of luck.


(oh, where is that rule that you mentioned, about keeping the ring -
I've never seen or heard that - just curious - I've actually always
heard the opposite)