Yonk

    > Woah... I'm pretty overwhelmed by the number of responses and the kind
    > words of support... thank you all, it's made me feel a great deal
    > better than yesterday. My girl and I were chatting about it for a
    > while, and ended up getting rather depressed as we both envisioned it
    > escalating out of the realms of enjoyment precisely as Steffi has
    > described with what happened to her plans. Money is on the table, so
    > to speak, for us to have all of the traditional formal aspects, but we
    > don't like spending other people's money especially when we feel it
    > would make our wedding less enjoyable. It's true that having money
    > doesn't make you happy!
    > We certainly don't want to be given a list of people that we're
    > supposed to invite for whatever reason. My thinking is that if parents
    > want to have a huge party, they're more than welcome to organise it...
    > doesn't necessarily mean we'll turn up! That might sound rather cruel
    > and ungrateful, but that's unavoidable when we're not listened to.
    > However, I'd like to hear from any parents who have offspring that are
    > getting, or have married, and get any input from that perspective..
    > Rete you mentioned about your child's wedding day.. I couldn't work
    > out if your children had already married, but even still, what level
    > of involvement do you think you'd allow yourself?
    > We don't want to be married in a Church, or have a religious wedding.
    > We've already had family assume that we will, and we've already been
    > told we're going to have to have 'counselling'... and while we respect
    > the religion of others, we don't really want a religious ceremony put
    > upon us.
    > I should have really clarified about my family (I'm the Brit). Really,
    > my extended family in the UK aren't in the picture and aren't what's
    > worrying us, as we don't expect any of them to come, aren't going to
    > invite them, and don't believe they'll be offended (because of the
    > distance)... however my parents have been good with us so far, in
    > saying that they'll go if we want them to, and they're not gonna be
    > disappointed if the wedding is small, they'll just be happy to see us
    > both. When I've been referring to family in earlier posts, I was
    > meaning my 'new' family ;)
    > We're not sure if we want flowers yet.. For music, we'll probably make
    > up a CD or 2 (thanks for that idea, souls canuck!) .. and most people
    > know how to operate a CD player, as a DJ isn't wanted. If we can find
    > someone with a home video, we'll ask them to do a tape, otherwise
    > we'll go without. Invitations, if we do them instead of word-of-mouth,
    > will be printed by home computer. My girl would like a knee-length
    > dress and her hair done I think, and I'd probably go with a new shirt
    > and tie, but no tux or suit.
    > It's relieving to hear that we're not the only ones wanting a small
    > wedding. We've been hunting around on the web for sites where others
    > have done it, but sadly we end up just finding sites trying to sell
    > stuff. As I've attended family weddings in the UK, my only real
    > feeling has been that I look smart, but feel uncomfortable. I've felt
    > the bride and groom at every wedding to be unapproachable (despite
    > them being close family) as I can clearly see they're busy trying to
    > spend 2 minutes with every guest, so it's true that a smaller wedding
    > would allow us to spend more time with the guests that do come.
    > Yonk, how did you get on with informing the people you didn't invite
    > that you didn't want them there? Did you write to them or speak.. or
    > just not send an invite? Our basic plan is to say exactly what you
    > did, but we've already had people inviting themselves, people I've
    > never met, and I'm not anticipating it to be the best start in a new
    > country, as it feels rude :/ It's easy for me to know in my heart that
    > it's our day, and it should be what we want, etc.. but in practice
    > that's not gonna pan out smoothly.
    > This ramble has been brought to you by an appreciative-for-your
    > responses Smaug!

It's interesting isn't it? It's like Christmas, you're supposed to
conform to everyone's ideal, even if all the ideals are different! I
think we just started off small by telling immediate family that it was
going to be immediate family only and didn't worry about telling
everyone else. Family grapevines work really well. Talk to your
relatives and I'm sure you'll find some allies

In the end, I said I would only invite people I talk to on the phone or
see more than twice a year.

(I remember having an argument about this with my mother when I was 14,
years before I got a boyfriend as she used to say, any family wedding
should include family before friends.)

It got a wee bit more complicated as my Aunt made my wedding dress (my
mother was worried I would turn up in a tracksuit) but it gave me a
chance to say how our thoughts went re the guest list and she was ok
about it. I even got gifts from people not invited, aunts & uncles etc.
(slight guilt pangs) but it was better smaller as you could hang out and
chat to people. Even with 20 people, it takes a bit to get to talk to
everyone. I'd never had all my friends in the same place before and
don't see many of them often, so did want to spend time with them and
not be a distant person in a posh frock. Have to say, the Aunt made me
a lovely dress!

One thing we did do, was send a nice photo to all that had sent presents
but not been invited. I do think, so long as it was seen to be fair, it
was ok. Once past the immediate family, where do you stop - there will
always be someone aggrieved, I suppose?

If we were doing it again, some music during the ceremony would be good.

USA & Pakistan

    > Woah... I'm pretty overwhelmed by the number of responses and the kind
    > words of support... thank you all, it's made me feel a great deal
    > better than yesterday. My girl and I were chatting about it for a
    > while, and ended up getting rather depressed as we both envisioned it
    > escalating out of the realms of enjoyment precisely as Steffi has
    > described with what happened to her plans. Money is on the table, so
    > to speak, for us to have all of the traditional formal aspects, but we
    > don't like spending other people's money especially when we feel it
    > would make our wedding less enjoyable. It's true that having money
    > doesn't make you happy!
    > We certainly don't want to be given a list of people that we're
    > supposed to invite for whatever reason. My thinking is that if parents
    > want to have a huge party, they're more than welcome to organise it...
    > doesn't necessarily mean we'll turn up! That might sound rather cruel
    > and ungrateful, but that's unavoidable when we're not listened to.
    > However, I'd like to hear from any parents who have offspring that are
    > getting, or have married, and get any input from that perspective..
    > Rete you mentioned about your child's wedding day.. I couldn't work
    > out if your children had already married, but even still, what level
    > of involvement do you think you'd allow yourself?
    > We don't want to be married in a Church, or have a religious wedding.
    > We've already had family assume that we will, and we've already been
    > told we're going to have to have 'counselling'... and while we respect
    > the religion of others, we don't really want a religious ceremony put
    > upon us.
    > I should have really clarified about my family (I'm the Brit). Really,
    > my extended family in the UK aren't in the picture and aren't what's
    > worrying us, as we don't expect any of them to come, aren't going to
    > invite them, and don't believe they'll be offended (because of the
    > distance)... however my parents have been good with us so far, in
    > saying that they'll go if we want them to, and they're not gonna be
    > disappointed if the wedding is small, they'll just be happy to see us
    > both. When I've been referring to family in earlier posts, I was
    > meaning my 'new' family ;)
    > We're not sure if we want flowers yet.. For music, we'll probably make
    > up a CD or 2 (thanks for that idea, souls canuck!) .. and most people
    > know how to operate a CD player, as a DJ isn't wanted. If we can find
    > someone with a home video, we'll ask them to do a tape, otherwise
    > we'll go without. Invitations, if we do them instead of word-of-mouth,
    > will be printed by home computer. My girl would like a knee-length
    > dress and her hair done I think, and I'd probably go with a new shirt
    > and tie, but no tux or suit.
    > It's relieving to hear that we're not the only ones wanting a small
    > wedding. We've been hunting around on the web for sites where others
    > have done it, but sadly we end up just finding sites trying to sell
    > stuff. As I've attended family weddings in the UK, my only real
    > feeling has been that I look smart, but feel uncomfortable. I've felt
    > the bride and groom at every wedding to be unapproachable (despite
    > them being close family) as I can clearly see they're busy trying to
    > spend 2 minutes with every guest, so it's true that a smaller wedding
    > would allow us to spend more time with the guests that do come.
    > Yonk, how did you get on with informing the people you didn't invite
    > that you didn't want them there? Did you write to them or speak.. or
    > just not send an invite? Our basic plan is to say exactly what you
    > did, but we've already had people inviting themselves, people I've
    > never met, and I'm not anticipating it to be the best start in a new
    > country, as it feels rude :/ It's easy for me to know in my heart that
    > it's our day, and it should be what we want, etc.. but in practice
    > that's not gonna pan out smoothly.
    > This ramble has been brought to you by an appreciative-for-your
    > responses Smaug!

Oh i am going thru a similar situation also. This wedding stuff has
been worrying me for months and i have been frozen with indecision.
Finally yesterday we sat down and tried to sort it out. We did have a
small but nice party in Pakistan last year with my fiance's family, and
with all of the hub-bub going on with the visa stuff and AOS, we just
dont have the time or money or inclination to do anything fancy here.

We compromised between a courthouse marriage and a bigger family thing
and went with a little wedding house for $150 and about 10 guests to be
held on Feb 5th (in 2 weeks!). I think we will end up going out for
lunch at a stylish pub afterwards and call it done.

Unfortunately my cool red Pakistan-style dress seems to have shrunk
while hanging in the closet during the last year ;) and so I will go
this weekend and find another red dress and wear the red veil that you
see in my avatar pic. I am trying to arrange for a family friend to
take some nice photos and also will ask my close family/friends to bring
their cameras.

We may or may not have a small informal reception party the following
weekend at my mom's house and invite some of the aunts, uncles and
cousins, but if we do, it will be very casual. We are just dealing with
so much other stuff right now that we just dont need and cant handle the
extra stress.

I have 2 kids and after a few stressful birthday parties, i learned how
important it is to keep gatherings as simple as possible if you want to
be able to relax and enjoy them.

    :)Marnee

Yonk

    > Oh i am going thru a similar situation also. This wedding stuff has
    > been worrying me for months and i have been frozen with indecision.
    > Finally yesterday we sat down and tried to sort it out. We did have
    > a small but nice party in Pakistan last year with my fiance's
    > family, and with all of the hub-bub going on with the visa stuff and
    > AOS, we just dont have the time or money or inclination to do
    > anything fancy here.
    > We compromised between a courthouse marriage and a bigger family thing
    > and went with a little wedding house for $150 and about 10 guests to
    > be held on Feb 5th (in 2 weeks!). I think we will end up going out
    > for lunch at a stylish pub afterwards and call it done.
    > Unfortunately my cool red Pakistan-style dress seems to have shrunk
    > while hanging in the closet during the last year ;) and so I will go
    > this weekend and find another red dress and wear the red veil that you
    > see in my avatar pic. I am trying to arrange for a family friend to
    > take some nice photos and also will ask my close family/friends to
    > bring their cameras.
    > We may or may not have a small informal reception party the following
    > weekend at my mom's house and invite some of the aunts, uncles and
    > cousins, but if we do, it will be very casual. We are just dealing
    > with so much other stuff right now that we just dont need and cant
    > handle the extra stress.
    > I have 2 kids and after a few stressful birthday parties, i learned
    > how important it is to keep gatherings as simple as possible if you
    > want to be able to relax and enjoy them.
    > :)Marnee

Spot on, keeping it simple is good. It will get complicated enough
without trying to work out all the angles.

Go thru' your guest list to come up with a seating plan, you'll see
what I mean.

Steffi

    > Woah... I'm pretty overwhelmed by the number of responses and the kind
    > words of support... thank you all, it's made me feel a great deal
    > better than yesterday. My girl and I were chatting about it for a
    > while, and ended up getting rather depressed as we both envisioned it
    > escalating out of the realms of enjoyment precisely as Steffi has
    > described with what happened to her plans. Money is on the table, so
    > to speak, for us to have all of the traditional formal aspects, but we
    > don't like spending other people's money especially when we feel it
    > would make our wedding less enjoyable. It's true that having money
    > doesn't make you happy!
    > We certainly don't want to be given a list of people that we're
    > supposed to invite for whatever reason. My thinking is that if parents
    > want to have a huge party, they're more than welcome to organise it...
    > doesn't necessarily mean we'll turn up! That might sound rather cruel
    > and ungrateful, but that's unavoidable when we're not listened to.
    > However, I'd like to hear from any parents who have offspring that are
    > getting, or have married, and get any input from that perspective..
    > Rete you mentioned about your child's wedding day.. I couldn't work
    > out if your children had already married, but even still, what level
    > of involvement do you think you'd allow yourself?
    > We don't want to be married in a Church, or have a religious wedding.
    > We've already had family assume that we will, and we've already been
    > told we're going to have to have 'counselling'... and while we respect
    > the religion of others, we don't really want a religious ceremony put
    > upon us.
    > I should have really clarified about my family (I'm the Brit). Really,
    > my extended family in the UK aren't in the picture and aren't what's
    > worrying us, as we don't expect any of them to come, aren't going to
    > invite them, and don't believe they'll be offended (because of the
    > distance)... however my parents have been good with us so far, in
    > saying that they'll go if we want them to, and they're not gonna be
    > disappointed if the wedding is small, they'll just be happy to see us
    > both. When I've been referring to family in earlier posts, I was
    > meaning my 'new' family ;)
    > We're not sure if we want flowers yet.. For music, we'll probably make
    > up a CD or 2 (thanks for that idea, souls canuck!) .. and most people
    > know how to operate a CD player, as a DJ isn't wanted. If we can find
    > someone with a home video, we'll ask them to do a tape, otherwise
    > we'll go without. Invitations, if we do them instead of word-of-mouth,
    > will be printed by home computer. My girl would like a knee-length
    > dress and her hair done I think, and I'd probably go with a new shirt
    > and tie, but no tux or suit.
    > It's relieving to hear that we're not the only ones wanting a small
    > wedding. We've been hunting around on the web for sites where others
    > have done it, but sadly we end up just finding sites trying to sell
    > stuff. As I've attended family weddings in the UK, my only real
    > feeling has been that I look smart, but feel uncomfortable. I've felt
    > the bride and groom at every wedding to be unapproachable (despite
    > them being close family) as I can clearly see they're busy trying to
    > spend 2 minutes with every guest, so it's true that a smaller wedding
    > would allow us to spend more time with the guests that do come.
    > Yonk, how did you get on with informing the people you didn't invite
    > that you didn't want them there? Did you write to them or speak.. or
    > just not send an invite? Our basic plan is to say exactly what you
    > did, but we've already had people inviting themselves, people I've
    > never met, and I'm not anticipating it to be the best start in a new
    > country, as it feels rude :/ It's easy for me to know in my heart that
    > it's our day, and it should be what we want, etc.. but in practice
    > that's not gonna pan out smoothly.
    > This ramble has been brought to you by an appreciative-for-your
    > responses Smaug!

Ooooh, I just thought of some more stuff on how we were able to save.
Our co-worker is pursuing a photo career, or at least is really into
photography, so he was kind enough to photograph the wedding for us for
free as a wedding present.

When we got married at the courthouse we still weren't 100% sure of what
we were going to do with our wedding party, so what we did was take a
photo of us right after we got married and printed it on the computer on
regular old paper. We arranged it so that the paper could be folded into
a 1/4 page, and on the inside added some text. I think we wrote
something along the lines of...

On September 10th 2003, Steffi L-B and Patrick B were married at the
Decatur, Georgia courthouse. We are about to go on our honeymoon to San
Francisco and are about to move into a new apartment.

That was it. Just to let people know we got married. Oh wait, I'm
lying....we actually made two types of cards. We made the one with that
text, and then another set where we added on something like "We are
planning on having a party/reception in the future." The first set we
sent out to people we knew for sure we weren't going to invite for our
party, or some that we didn't know yet. The second one we sent to people
we were pretty sure we were going to invite, and that way let them know
that there's still going to be a party. To our surprise we actually
received a few presents and congratulations from the first set of people
(namely checks).

Then for when we actually had our party we went to Target and they had
wedding invitation sets. I think it was a set of 50 invitations and
envelopes, and 50 reply cards and envelopes. I think it cost $20. I
guess you probably won't even need all that since you're planning on not
having many people (like we had), so you probably wouldn't even need to
go that far, but I thought I'd throw it out there just in case.

Hcj1440

    > Hi,
    > My fiancee and I don't enjoy organising or hosting parties, and this
    > includes a wedding. For many girls, their wedding day is the day they
    > dream about. For me, I don't need to be 'married' to confirm my love,
    > and my girl is not in favour of a fancy wedding to become married. We
    > both want to be together, and that's more important than a party, or a
    > ceremony, or a piece of paper saying we're legally married.
    > We have parents/grandparents who are already unhappy with our ideas,
    > and are trying to insist we have x, y and z. We have relatives
    > inviting themselves from around the country, along with their many
    > children.
    > We'd like nothing more than a small ceremony in our house, or
    > something very similar, with a few of our immediate family and closest
    > friends, but that's gonna make members of the family unhappy because
    > we didn't have something in a Church, or because we didn't invite such-and-
    > such a relative.
    > We're also trying to be very frugal, as we don't believe in splashing
    > out megabucks on a wedding. It might be what other people like doing,
    > but not us. (no second guessing, please ;p)
    > For those who are planning or have planned such a thing, and dealt
    > with such problems, we'd love to hear how you did! Any
    > hints/tips/websites/stress relievers would be great. We're aiming for
    > a June 2005 wedding.
    > Smaug!

My family has had several non-traditional weddings so we didn't
encounter too much resistance.

For the wedding/vows part, we eloped - just hubby, me and the justice of
the peace. The state we married in didn't even require witnesses. We
wrote our own vows and our justice of the peace worked with us and added
some language of her own. We got married on the grass by a beautiful
"bubbling" brook. The justice took pictures for us afterwards. It was
perfect and felt very personal and very intense. About three months
later, my parents hosted a backyard BBQ for my side of the family and
some friends. We didn't do anything on hubby's side because no one gets
married in Sweden anymore, so they weren't expecting anything.

Some other examples/ideas:
In the '70s my aunt got married on a beach. The kids (not their
children, just invited guests) flew kites and ran around and had a grand
ol' time. My cousins who were there as children still remember it as
the best wedding they ever went to.

In 1970 my own parents got married in a civil ceremony in city hall. My
mom wore her best outfit (a pink suit). My grandmother hosted a
celebratory dinner/reception a few months later because she wanted to
have all her friends come to something more formalized. My parents
agreed to it.

More recently, one of my very best friends took off to an exotic country
for a "destination wedding." Then they came back, announced their
elopement, and sent us pictures over email. She planned a somewhat
formal reception a few months later, wore a black '50s housewife
"cocktail" dress, and we all got drunk, made speeches, and had a blast.

I agree with the other posters that it's your day and it should be the
way you want it. However, it's also something that your family will
likely remember in the years to come. IMO you should do things your own
special way, but balance your wishes with your family's desire to
celebrate with you. It doesn't mean you have to spend a lot of money or
invite everyone on earth, but do a little something for them or let
someone else host a little something-something for you.

Hcj1440

    > Ooooh, I just thought of some more stuff on how we were able to save.
    > Our co-worker is pursuing a photo career, or at least is really into
    > photography, so he was kind enough to photograph the wedding for us
    > for free as a wedding present.
    > When we got married at the courthouse we still weren't 100% sure of
    > what we were going to do with our wedding party, so what we did was
    > take a photo of us right after we got married and printed it on the
    > computer on regular old paper. We arranged it so that the paper could
    > be folded into a 1/4 page, and on the inside added some text. I think
    > we wrote something along the lines of...
    > On September 10th 2003, Steffi L-B and Patrick B were married at the
    > Decatur, Georgia courthouse. We are about to go on our honeymoon to
    > San Francisco and are about to move into a new apartment.
    > That was it. Just to let people know we got married. Oh wait, I'm
    > lying....we actually made two types of cards. We made the one with
    > that text, and then another set where we added on something like "We
    > are planning on having a party/reception in the future." The first set
    > we sent out to people we knew for sure we weren't going to invite for
    > our party, or some that we didn't know yet. The second one we sent to
    > people we were pretty sure we were going to invite, and that way let
    > them know that there's still going to be a party. To our surprise we
    > actually received a few presents and congratulations from the first
    > set of people (namely checks).
    > Then for when we actually had our party we went to Target and they
    > had wedding invitation sets. I think it was a set of 50 invitations
    > and envelopes, and 50 reply cards and envelopes. I think it cost $20.
    > I guess you probably won't even need all that since you're planning
    > on not having many people (like we had), so you probably wouldn't
    > even need to go that far, but I thought I'd throw it out there just
    > in case.

We did something like that too! I did a very formal looking elopement
announcement but the text read:
wedding, schmedding
we eloped!
[then gave our names and the wedding date]

I then enclosed a wedding photo (me in my $25 dress from H&M, but we did
have rings and I did have a bouquet) and a humorous account of the
"wedding" preparations, details of our elopement day and our subsequent
plans for honeymoon etc.

Femailpal

    > Woah... I'm pretty overwhelmed by the number of responses and the kind
    > words of support... thank you all, it's made me feel a great deal
    > better than yesterday. My girl and I were chatting about it for a
    > while, and ended up getting rather depressed as we both envisioned it
    > escalating out of the realms of enjoyment precisely as Steffi has
    > described with what happened to her plans. Money is on the table, so
    > to speak, for us to have all of the traditional formal aspects, but we
    > don't like spending other people's money especially when we feel it
    > would make our wedding less enjoyable. It's true that having money
    > doesn't make you happy!
    > We certainly don't want to be given a list of people that we're
    > supposed to invite for whatever reason. My thinking is that if parents
    > want to have a huge party, they're more than welcome to organise it...
    > doesn't necessarily mean we'll turn up! That might sound rather cruel
    > and ungrateful, but that's unavoidable when we're not listened to.
    > However, I'd like to hear from any parents who have offspring that are
    > getting, or have married, and get any input from that perspective..
    > Rete you mentioned about your child's wedding day.. I couldn't work
    > out if your children had already married, but even still, what level
    > of involvement do you think you'd allow yourself?
    > We don't want to be married in a Church, or have a religious wedding.
    > We've already had family assume that we will, and we've already been
    > told we're going to have to have 'counselling'... and while we respect
    > the religion of others, we don't really want a religious ceremony put
    > upon us.
    > I should have really clarified about my family (I'm the Brit). Really,
    > my extended family in the UK aren't in the picture and aren't what's
    > worrying us, as we don't expect any of them to come, aren't going to
    > invite them, and don't believe they'll be offended (because of the
    > distance)... however my parents have been good with us so far, in
    > saying that they'll go if we want them to, and they're not gonna be
    > disappointed if the wedding is small, they'll just be happy to see us
    > both. When I've been referring to family in earlier posts, I was
    > meaning my 'new' family ;)
    > We're not sure if we want flowers yet.. For music, we'll probably make
    > up a CD or 2 (thanks for that idea, souls canuck!) .. and most people
    > know how to operate a CD player, as a DJ isn't wanted. If we can find
    > someone with a home video, we'll ask them to do a tape, otherwise
    > we'll go without. Invitations, if we do them instead of word-of-mouth,
    > will be printed by home computer. My girl would like a knee-length
    > dress and her hair done I think, and I'd probably go with a new shirt
    > and tie, but no tux or suit.
    > It's relieving to hear that we're not the only ones wanting a small
    > wedding. We've been hunting around on the web for sites where others
    > have done it, but sadly we end up just finding sites trying to sell
    > stuff. As I've attended family weddings in the UK, my only real
    > feeling has been that I look smart, but feel uncomfortable. I've felt
    > the bride and groom at every wedding to be unapproachable (despite
    > them being close family) as I can clearly see they're busy trying to
    > spend 2 minutes with every guest, so it's true that a smaller wedding
    > would allow us to spend more time with the guests that do come.
    > Yonk, how did you get on with informing the people you didn't invite
    > that you didn't want them there? Did you write to them or speak.. or
    > just not send an invite? Our basic plan is to say exactly what you
    > did, but we've already had people inviting themselves, people I've
    > never met, and I'm not anticipating it to be the best start in a new
    > country, as it feels rude :/ It's easy for me to know in my heart that
    > it's our day, and it should be what we want, etc.. but in practice
    > that's not gonna pan out smoothly.
    > This ramble has been brought to you by an appreciative-for-your
    > responses Smaug!

I came to the US mid Nov 2003 with 1 "nice" dress amongst items in my
packed baggage.

1 week later we went to court and booked a date & time (got it 4 days
ahead @ 4pm) to get married and they gave us a little room. We quietly
told 10 people about it. We went to the hairdresser (to trim and look
tidy) the day before the wedding and to Walmart the morning of our
wedding to get some flowers and ribbons.

At 3.30pm, me in my "nice" dress & made-up and him in suit & tie, we
drove to the courthouse with a digital camera. Friends met us there,
took our pics & witnessed our vows. Then we invited our group to a nice
restaurant and treated them to nice dinner & drinks to thank them for
showing up. Bill came to $260, pics turned out very well and word
spread that we had "tied the knot". (We then submitted relevant
paperwork to USCIS of course!!)

On our 1st wedding anniversary, we solemnized our marriage in a chapel
with family members & close friends who were not at our courthouse
wedding. We wanted them to know they have not been forgotten.

Laurence

Smaug <member22854@british_expats.com> wrote in
news:35$279484$1993341$:

    >
    > Hi,
    >
    > My fiancee and I don't enjoy organising or hosting parties, and this
    > includes a wedding. For many girls, their wedding day is the day they
    > dream about. For me, I don't need to be 'married' to confirm my love,
    > and my girl is not in favour of a fancy wedding to become married. We
    > both want to be together, and that's more important than a party, or a
    > ceremony, or a piece of paper saying we're legally married.
    >
    > We have parents/grandparents who are already unhappy with our ideas,
    > and are trying to insist we have x, y and z. We have relatives
    > inviting themselves from around the country, along with their many
    > children.
    >
    > We'd like nothing more than a small ceremony in our house, or
    > something very similar, with a few of our immediate family and closest
    > friends, but that's gonna make members of the family unhappy because
    > we didn't have something in a Church, or because we didn't invite
    > such-and- such a relative.
    >
    > We're also trying to be very frugal, as we don't believe in splashing
    > out megabucks on a wedding. It might be what other people like doing,
    > but not us. (no second guessing, please ;p)
    >
    > For those who are planning or have planned such a thing, and dealt
    > with such problems, we'd love to hear how you did! Any
    > hints/tips/websites/stress relievers would be great. We're aiming for
    > a June 2005 wedding.
    >
    > Smaug!
    >

My wife and I had what I guess whould be called a 'proper wedding', but
we did it on a fairly small scale. I figured that my friends and family
had to see me get married or they would think I had just run off to join
the circus or something.

To keep it small (and cheap) we did the following:
- Invite only the people you absolutely need to have there (or don't
think will come ... hee hee) - Choose a non-standard place ... we got
married at the Florida Aquarium because it was one of the first places
we went the first time I came to visit her. Then we had the reception
at a restaurant nearby. All together it was about $50 per person.

My wife used The Knot's website (http://www.theknot.com) quite a bit.
They've got lots of information and a pretty good setup to track your
progress.

Sophie T

"hcj1440" <member19487@british_expats.com> wrote in message
news:35$279484$1996649$...
    > > Ooooh, I just thought of some more stuff on how we were able to save.
    > > Our co-worker is pursuing a photo career, or at least is really into
    > > photography, so he was kind enough to photograph the wedding for us
    > > for free as a wedding present.
    > >
    > > When we got married at the courthouse we still weren't 100% sure of
    > > what we were going to do with our wedding party, so what we did was
    > > take a photo of us right after we got married and printed it on the
    > > computer on regular old paper. We arranged it so that the paper could
    > > be folded into a 1/4 page, and on the inside added some text. I think
    > > we wrote something along the lines of...
    > >
    > > On September 10th 2003, Steffi L-B and Patrick B were married at the
    > > Decatur, Georgia courthouse. We are about to go on our honeymoon to
    > > San Francisco and are about to move into a new apartment.
    > >
    > > That was it. Just to let people know we got married. Oh wait, I'm
    > > lying....we actually made two types of cards. We made the one with
    > > that text, and then another set where we added on something like "We
    > > are planning on having a party/reception in the future." The first set
    > > we sent out to people we knew for sure we weren't going to invite for
    > > our party, or some that we didn't know yet. The second one we sent to
    > > people we were pretty sure we were going to invite, and that way let
    > > them know that there's still going to be a party. To our surprise we
    > > actually received a few presents and congratulations from the first
    > > set of people (namely checks).
    > >
    > > Then for when we actually had our party we went to Target and they
    > > had wedding invitation sets. I think it was a set of 50 invitations
    > > and envelopes, and 50 reply cards and envelopes. I think it cost $20.
    > > I guess you probably won't even need all that since you're planning
    > > on not having many people (like we had), so you probably wouldn't
    > > even need to go that far, but I thought I'd throw it out there just
    > > in case.
    > We did something like that too! I did a very formal looking elopement
    > announcement but the text read:
    > wedding, schmedding
    > we eloped!
    > [then gave our names and the wedding date]
    > I then enclosed a wedding photo (me in my $25 dress from H&M, but we did
    > have rings and I did have a bouquet) and a humorous account of the
    > "wedding" preparations, details of our elopement day and our subsequent
    > plans for honeymoon etc.
    > --
    > Posted via http://britishexpats.com

I love that text!! We sent out announcements after we got married too, but
I didn't think of such a clever way of saying it.
Both of our families knew that we were marrying, but we chose to go away
together, just the two of us and marry. Everyone seemed fine with it,
except for one so-called friend who still doesn't speak to me (it's been
over 5 years)...but that's another story! In our family, these events are
important but not everything...the day to day inclusion in our lives seems
more important, but that's just our view.
We went back to the chapel where we took our vows, just to see it
again...only to discover that it has been changed into a tatoo parlor...that
was startling! Now we laugh a lot about the whole thing. We're still very
married, very happy, have a new very sweet baby, and wouldn't change the way
we got married for anything. (Ok, so maybe if someone offered a FREE trip to
some exotic location for a wedding, we might consider that!!)
Good luck to the original poster in whatever you end up choosing.

Sophie