Smaug

Hi,

My fiancee and I don't enjoy organising or hosting parties, and this
includes a wedding. For many girls, their wedding day is the day they
dream about. For me, I don't need to be 'married' to confirm my love,
and my girl is not in favour of a fancy wedding to become married. We
both want to be together, and that's more important than a party, or a
ceremony, or a piece of paper saying we're legally married.

We have parents/grandparents who are already unhappy with our ideas, and
are trying to insist we have x, y and z. We have relatives inviting
themselves from around the country, along with their many children.

We'd like nothing more than a small ceremony in our house, or
something very similar, with a few of our immediate family and closest
friends, but that's gonna make members of the family unhappy because
we didn't have something in a Church, or because we didn't invite such-and-
such a relative.

We're also trying to be very frugal, as we don't believe in splashing
out megabucks on a wedding. It might be what other people like doing,
but not us. (no second guessing, please ;p)

For those who are planning or have planned such a thing, and dealt with
such problems, we'd love to hear how you did! Any
hints/tips/websites/stress relievers would be great. We're aiming for a
June 2005 wedding.

Smaug!

Broma25

    > Hi,
    > My fiancee and I don't enjoy organising or hosting parties, and this
    > includes a wedding. For many girls, their wedding day is the day they
    > dream about. For me, I don't need to be 'married' to confirm my love,
    > and my girl is not in favour of a fancy wedding to become married. We
    > both want to be together, and that's more important than a party, or a
    > ceremony, or a piece of paper saying we're legally married.
    > We have parents/grandparents who are already unhappy with our ideas,
    > and are trying to insist we have x, y and z. We have relatives
    > inviting themselves from around the country, along with their many
    > children.
    > We'd like nothing more than a small ceremony in our house, or
    > something very similar, with a few of our immediate family and closest
    > friends, but that's gonna make members of the family unhappy because
    > we didn't have something in a Church, or because we didn't invite such-and-
    > such a relative.
    > We're also trying to be very frugal, as we don't believe in splashing
    > out megabucks on a wedding. It might be what other people like doing,
    > but not us. (no second guessing, please ;p)
    > For those who are planning or have planned such a thing, and dealt
    > with such problems, we'd love to hear how you did! Any
    > hints/tips/websites/stress relievers would be great. We're aiming for
    > a June 2005 wedding.
    > Smaug!

My husband and I got married in the local registry office, me, him and
two witnesses.

No fancy clothes or food etc, (money was tight)

We got married because we wanted to and thats what marriage is
all about.

The only regret I have is that I do not have any decent photos.

Just remember its your day so do what you two want.

Jason

because of the timescales and paperwork involved (which does take the
shine off the whole thing whether you like it or not!!!!!) we just did
a quickie wedding in Las Vegas to satisfy the 90 day K1 time limit and
we'll have a more traditional 'wedding' for all the friends and family
later on hopefully this year or sometime next.

I think most people do that - certainly on K1 visas - with a move
abroad and such tight timescales there just isn't the time or the money
to organise a big wedding!!! Friends and family seem to forget that
sometimes.......

at the end of the day - you're marrying someone from another country -
not the "girl next door". It really does affect things an awful lot -
especially coupled with the lengthy and strict US Immigration process.

Whatever you decide to do though - remember it's *your* wedding. Your
big day should be about you, not everyone else!!

good luck

Jase

Robskatie

    > Hi,
    > My fiancee and I don't enjoy organising or hosting parties, and this
    > includes a wedding. For many girls, their wedding day is the day they
    > dream about. For me, I don't need to be 'married' to confirm my love,
    > and my girl is not in favour of a fancy wedding to become married. We
    > both want to be together, and that's more important than a party, or a
    > ceremony, or a piece of paper saying we're legally married.
    > We have parents/grandparents who are already unhappy with our ideas,
    > and are trying to insist we have x, y and z. We have relatives
    > inviting themselves from around the country, along with their many
    > children.
    > We'd like nothing more than a small ceremony in our house, or
    > something very similar, with a few of our immediate family and closest
    > friends, but that's gonna make members of the family unhappy because
    > we didn't have something in a Church, or because we didn't invite such-and-
    > such a relative.
    > We're also trying to be very frugal, as we don't believe in splashing
    > out megabucks on a wedding. It might be what other people like doing,
    > but not us. (no second guessing, please ;p)
    > For those who are planning or have planned such a thing, and dealt
    > with such problems, we'd love to hear how you did! Any
    > hints/tips/websites/stress relievers would be great. We're aiming for
    > a June 2005 wedding.
    > Smaug!

[quote=Smaug]Hi,

My fiancee and I don't enjoy organising or hosting parties, and this
includes a wedding. For many girls, their wedding day is the day they
dream about. For me, I don't need to be 'married' to confirm my love,
and my girl is not in favour of a fancy wedding to become married. We
both want to be together, and that's more important than a party, or a
ceremony, or a piece of paper saying we're legally married.

We have parents/grandparents who are already unhappy with our ideas, and
are trying to insist we have x, y and z. We have relatives inviting
themselves from around the country, along with their many children.

We'd like nothing more than a small ceremony in our house, or
something very similar, with a few of our immediate family and closest
friends, but that's gonna make members of the family unhappy because
we didn't have something in a Church, or because we didn't invite such-and-
such a relative.

We're also trying to be very frugal, as we don't believe in splashing
out megabucks on a wedding. It might be what other people like doing,
but not us. (no second guessing, please ;p)

For those who are planning or have planned such a thing, and dealt with
such problems, we'd love to hear how you did! Any
hints/tips/websites/stress relievers would be great. We're aiming for a
June 2005 wedding.

Smaug![/QUOT

We got married in a registry office and then had a BBQ in our garden
with close friends and family, something I do not regret for one second,
we had no stress of organising a huge wedding and saved some money
also!! My mother was very very sick at the time and I cherish every
second that I had to spend with her on our "special" day, something I
would not have been able to do if we had chosen to have a big wedding,
go with your instincts and do it your way!!!!

Noorah101

    > [quote=Smaug]Hi,
    > My fiancee and I don't enjoy organising or hosting parties, and this
    > includes a wedding. For many girls, their wedding day is the day they
    > dream about. For me, I don't need to be 'married' to confirm my love,
    > and my girl is not in favour of a fancy wedding to become married. We
    > both want to be together, and that's more important than a party, or a
    > ceremony, or a piece of paper saying we're legally married.
    > We have parents/grandparents who are already unhappy with our ideas,
    > and are trying to insist we have x, y and z. We have relatives
    > inviting themselves from around the country, along with their many
    > children.
    > We'd like nothing more than a small ceremony in our house, or
    > something very similar, with a few of our immediate family and closest
    > friends, but that's gonna make members of the family unhappy because
    > we didn't have something in a Church, or because we didn't invite such-and-
    > such a relative.
    > We're also trying to be very frugal, as we don't believe in splashing
    > out megabucks on a wedding. It might be what other people like doing,
    > but not us. (no second guessing, please ;p)
    > For those who are planning or have planned such a thing, and dealt
    > with such problems, we'd love to hear how you did! Any
    > hints/tips/websites/stress relievers would be great. We're aiming for
    > a June 2005 wedding.
    > Smaug![/QUOT
    > We got married in a registry office and then had a BBQ in our garden
    > with close friends and family, something I do not regret for one
    > second, we had no stress of organising a huge wedding and saved some
    > money also!! My mother was very very sick at the time and I cherish
    > every second that I had to spend with her on our "special" day,
    > something I would not have been able to do if we had chosen to have a
    > big wedding, go with your instincts and do it your way!!!!

We got married on the spur of the moment the same day we applied for the
license. At 3:00 pm, we got the license, made a couple of quick calls
to my best friend and my sister, and got married in the courhouse at
5:00 pm. It was great, very sponaneous, very very casual, and like
someone else said, the only thing I regret is not having photos of it.

We were going to host a reception-type party at a restaurant, but then
it didn't make sense because it would all be MY family and friends, with
no one on his side. So we didn't even do that. No biggie...saved us
some bucks. LOL

It's your special day, not anyone else's....do what feels right
to you. :)

Best Wishes,
Rene

Andrew DeFaria

Smaug wrote:

    > Hi,
    > My fiancee and I don't enjoy organising or hosting parties, and this
    > includes a wedding. For many girls, their wedding day is the day they
    > dream about. For me, I don't need to be 'married' to confirm my love,
    > and my girl is not in favour of a fancy wedding to become married. We
    > both want to be together, and that's more important than a party, or a
    > ceremony, or a piece of paper saying we're legally married.
    > We have parents/grandparents who are already unhappy with our ideas,
    > and are trying to insist we have x, y and z. We have relatives
    > inviting themselves from around the country, along with their many
    > children.
    > We'd like nothing more than a small ceremony in our house, or
    > something very similar, with a few of our immediate family and closest
    > friends, but that's gonna make members of the family unhappy because
    > we didn't have something in a Church, or because we didn't invite
    > such-and-such a relative.
    > We're also trying to be very frugal, as we don't believe in splashing
    > out megabucks on a wedding. It might be what other people like doing,
    > but not us. (no second guessing, please ;p)
    > For those who are planning or have planned such a thing, and dealt
    > with such problems, we'd love to hear how you did! Any
    > hints/tips/websites/stress relievers would be great. We're aiming for
    > a June 2005 wedding.

It's very easy. Be an adult. JUST SAY NO. It is your life not theirs!
Any family member who cannot understand that and respect your adult
choosen desires you don't need around anyhow.

Smaug

    > We got married on the spur of the moment the same day we applied for
    > the license. At 3:00 pm, we got the license, made a couple of quick
    > calls to my best friend and my sister, and got married in the
    > courhouse at 5:00 pm. It was great, very sponaneous, very very
    > casual, and like someone else said, the only thing I regret is not
    > having photos of it.
    > We were going to host a reception-type party at a restaurant, but then
    > it didn't make sense because it would all be MY family and friends,
    > with no one on his side. So we didn't even do that. No
    > biggie...saved us some bucks. LOL
    > It's your special day, not anyone else's....do what feels right
    > to you. :)
    > Best Wishes,
    > Rene

For photos, we're gonna buy a bunch of disposables and hand them out to
whoever we think capable of operating them, and asking them to take
whatever pics they feel appropriate and hand them back to us when
they're done. Cheap, more personal, and greater variety.

I'm not too fussed about the Bride's family outweighing mine in numbers,
but I might feel a little overwhelmed with having to talk to so many
people I barely know.

We too are hoping to have a BBQ outdoors, but we're also worrying that
it might rain ;p

And I know we're supposed to only worry about pleasing ourselves, but we
don't wanna piss my new family off.. :/ My parents have been good about
it though.. they'll come if I want them to come, and they'll understand
if I don't.

Thank you all for your words of support!!

Phk0220

    > Hi,
    > My fiancee and I don't enjoy organising or hosting parties, and this
    > includes a wedding. For many girls, their wedding day is the day they
    > dream about. For me, I don't need to be 'married' to confirm my love,
    > and my girl is not in favour of a fancy wedding to become married. We
    > both want to be together, and that's more important than a party, or a
    > ceremony, or a piece of paper saying we're legally married.
    > We have parents/grandparents who are already unhappy with our ideas,
    > and are trying to insist we have x, y and z. We have relatives
    > inviting themselves from around the country, along with their many
    > children.
    > We'd like nothing more than a small ceremony in our house, or
    > something very similar, with a few of our immediate family and closest
    > friends, but that's gonna make members of the family unhappy because
    > we didn't have something in a Church, or because we didn't invite such-and-
    > such a relative.
    > We're also trying to be very frugal, as we don't believe in splashing
    > out megabucks on a wedding. It might be what other people like doing,
    > but not us. (no second guessing, please ;p)
    > For those who are planning or have planned such a thing, and dealt
    > with such problems, we'd love to hear how you did! Any
    > hints/tips/websites/stress relievers would be great. We're aiming for
    > a June 2005 wedding.
    > Smaug!

Hi Smaug,



Honestly, would all of your friends and relatives come to the states
from the UK ?

If you have a big celebration in the states, wouldn't all of the
friends/family in your country at least expect a reception at least,
when you are next there ?

My wife's family is huge because all of the second cousins etc. are
included. We'd have had to give a huge party. Then, my part would
probably have been annoyed and we'd have had to do something similar in
my country.

When my wife and I "eloped" in September (I was in the states on VWP),
we just had friends as witnesses. There where just six of us altogether.
We had a wonderful time. At Christmas we had a small ring ceremony at
the house of the in laws (again in the states on VWP, I-130 already
filed, no qeustions asked at all at POE) with just the family there with
everybody included. I guess you do not want to slam the door shut into
the immediate family's face.

To include my immediate family and some friends on my side, we are
planing to celebrate the christening of our first child (***) in my
country round Christmas next year.

So at least the closest of our friends and family get included at
some part.

Instead of spending all of the money on a big celebration, why not just
stay at a _real_ funky place for the night (***) ? To make it special
for the two of you.

phk

Jenney & Mark

    > Hi,
    > My fiancee and I don't enjoy organising or hosting parties, and this
    > includes a wedding. For many girls, their wedding day is the day they
    > dream about. For me, I don't need to be 'married' to confirm my love,
    > and my girl is not in favour of a fancy wedding to become married. We
    > both want to be together, and that's more important than a party, or a
    > ceremony, or a piece of paper saying we're legally married.
    > We have parents/grandparents who are already unhappy with our ideas,
    > and are trying to insist we have x, y and z. We have relatives
    > inviting themselves from around the country, along with their many
    > children.
    > We'd like nothing more than a small ceremony in our house, or
    > something very similar, with a few of our immediate family and closest
    > friends, but that's gonna make members of the family unhappy because
    > we didn't have something in a Church, or because we didn't invite such-and-
    > such a relative.
    > We're also trying to be very frugal, as we don't believe in splashing
    > out megabucks on a wedding. It might be what other people like doing,
    > but not us. (no second guessing, please ;p)
    > For those who are planning or have planned such a thing, and dealt
    > with such problems, we'd love to hear how you did! Any
    > hints/tips/websites/stress relievers would be great. We're aiming for
    > a June 2005 wedding.
    > Smaug!

I agree with everyone who said to remember that, ultimately, this day is
about you and your love for each other, not making everyone else happy.
However, I know it's usually not as easy as all that. It's not as if you
can say that and everyone will respond with, "Oh, you're absolutely
right -- how rude of us to butt in. Please forgive us, and carry on and
do whatever YOU want to do!"

I suppose it comes down to compromise, really. Just because people
expect "a wedding" doesn't mean you have to provide them with whatever
THEY think the wedding should be like. In other words, if they want to
spend their money to come see you get married, let them -- but don't
apologize if it involves them standing around for 10 minutes in your
backyard with a Justice of the Peace, followed by a BBQ dinner. (Or just
cake, for that matter -- even more cost-effective!)

In our case, we had a very small wedding in June 2003. Mark and I got
married by a JOP ($100 fee) by a gazebo on a lake on my old college
campus in some nice clothes but nothing fancy. I made my own bouquet and
veil, as well as Mark's boutonniere (all about $50). My
brother/photographer, sis-in-law and 2-year-old nephew/ring bearer were
the only ones in attendance. The whole thing took about 15 minutes.
Afterwards we treated my brother and sis-in-law to a superb, 2-hour
FEAST at The Melting Pot fondue restaurant (about $160, tip included).

A few months later, Mark's parents and grandmother came to visit us in
the States for a couple of weeks. Leading up to this visit, we planned
on getting everyone together in Richmond on one of the weekends they
were here. My parents came from North Carolina, and my grandparents came
from Maryland. We all met up at my brother's house and went to lunch at
a small Italian restaurant just down the road. Mark and I checked it all
out beforehand and decided we could afford lunch for 11 people. The
total ended up being $160 with tip (again!). Our families had never met
before and this was a great opportunity for them to do so. Everyone had
a great time and it was very relaxing because there was no "wedding"
stuff to handle at the same time.

No matter what you decide to do, it might make it easier to keep in mind
that it's sort of nice that so many people want to share your special
day with you. Some people (many on this site, I suspect) don't have
family members who are able or willing to go to the trouble of attending
their weddings, no matter how lavish. So the fact that you are not in
that position shows that people care enough about you as a couple to
want to be there. :)

~ Jenney

Andrea874

    > I agree with everyone who said to remember that, ultimately, this day
    > is about you and your love for each other, not making everyone else
    > happy. However, I know it's usually not as easy as all that. It's not
    > as if you can say that and everyone will respond with, "Oh, you're
    > absolutely right -- how rude of us to butt in. Please forgive us, and
    > carry on and do whatever YOU want to do!"
    > I suppose it comes down to compromise, really. Just because people
    > expect "a wedding" doesn't mean you have to provide them with whatever
    > THEY think the wedding should be like. In other words, if they want to
    > spend their money to come see you get married, let them -- but don't
    > apologize if it involves them standing around for 10 minutes in your
    > backyard with a Justice of the Peace, followed by a BBQ dinner. (Or
    > just cake, for that matter -- even more cost-effective!)
    > In our case, we had a very small wedding in June 2003. Mark and I got
    > married by a JOP ($100 fee) by a gazebo on a lake on my old college
    > campus in some nice clothes but nothing fancy. I made my own bouquet
    > and veil, as well as Mark's boutonniere (all about $50). My
    > brother/photographer, sis-in-law and 2-year-old nephew/ring bearer
    > were the only ones in attendance. The whole thing took about 15
    > minutes. Afterwards we treated my brother and sis-in-law to a superb,
    > 2-hour FEAST at The Melting Pot fondue restaurant (about $160, tip
    > included).
    > A few months later, Mark's parents and grandmother came to visit us in
    > the States for a couple of weeks. Leading up to this visit, we planned
    > on getting everyone together in Richmond on one of the weekends they
    > were here. My parents came from North Carolina, and my grandparents
    > came from Maryland. We all met up at my brother's house and went to
    > lunch at a small Italian restaurant just down the road. Mark and I
    > checked it all out beforehand and decided we could afford lunch for 11
    > people. The total ended up being $160 with tip (again!). Our families
    > had never met before and this was a great opportunity for them to do
    > so. Everyone had a great time and it was very relaxing because there
    > was no "wedding" stuff to handle at the same time.
    > No matter what you decide to do, it might make it easier to keep in
    > mind that it's sort of nice that so many people want to share your
    > special day with you. Some people (many on this site, I suspect) don't
    > have family members who are able or willing to go to the trouble of
    > attending their weddings, no matter how lavish. So the fact that you
    > are not in that position shows that people care enough about you as a
    > couple to want to be there. :)
    > ~ Jenney

We had the best wedding in the world and only our parents were there. We
went to Hawaii and got married on the beach. It worked out SOOOOOOOO
much cheaper than having a big wedding. We wanted to go to Mexico to do
it, to make it even cheaper, but since I couldn't leave the country,
that was out of the question. However, a good friend of mine did
something similiar, but got married on the beach in Florida. All ya need
is your family, some candles, and maybe a white sheet on the groupd. I
wouldnt change a thing about ours - sooo glad that we didnt have a big
wedding, invite tons of people (inevitably leave someone out), and spend
tons of cash. Plus, we have the most beautiful wedding photos I've ever
seen. Hawaii at sunset... mmm :)